He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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