Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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