You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
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