I think my vagina is haunted
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
