If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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