All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
