ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
