Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
