too bad you live with your parents still
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
