you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We left the knife in your bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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