make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
