Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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