His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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