At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
