I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
