ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize