I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
