News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
