I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
