got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
