How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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