If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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