i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
