Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
