if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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