the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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