I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We had sex on a dog bed..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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