office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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