that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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