I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
