covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We named our party play list daddy issues
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
