Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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