South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
