would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
