The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
