sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
