You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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