Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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