fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
