Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
