Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
