I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
