im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
