How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
