The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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