If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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