I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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