he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize