found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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