made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
