There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
