i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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