Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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