My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
