I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
