I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
