her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
