I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
