saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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