Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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