I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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