The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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