can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
