And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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