my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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