I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Me too!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
