I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
