Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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